Author: Andy

I know a lot about the woman in 14E.

She has a Tesla.

The membership rules at the club she manages are set the way they are for a reason.

Her hair looked fine.

I hope her meeting with Hedley went well.

She’s pretty good at single card solitaire.

And, oh yea, the passcode for her iPhone is 5XXXXX.

Okay, her passcode isn’t exactly 5XXXXX, those “X’s” are numbers, and I know them. I found It an interesting coincidence as just a few days earlier there was a story of thieves who would watch you enter your passcode. Then they would steal your phone, reset your passwords, and get access to everything about you.

If only I were a thief.

I know all of this because I was sitting in 15F. While I feel a little guilty for looking at her phone from my vantage point, I just couldn’t help myself. There she was, holding her phone up for the world, or at least me, to see.

And I saw a lot.

Yup, my first trip via an airplane in a long time, and I was excited. I took my window seat thanks to my wife. She said she would take the middle seat, and I started to get comfortable. I took out my iPad for some future reading, set my cell phone to “airplane” mode wondering how many people still set their phone to “airplane” mode these days, and glanced around me.

There, between the two seats in front of me, through that little gap, I became obsessed.

A lady was holding up her phone directly in front of her. She wasn’t trying to hold it near her lap, wasn’t trying to shield anything, just holding it out in front of her in that position where the elbows are tucked close to your sides, the arms at approximately forty-five-degree angles, and the phone chest is high. You know, easy for someone behind you to see.

At this early stage I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. For whatever reason, I wanted to see what I could find out about her.

I saw her swipe up from the bottom of her screen, that trick where you can easily switch between apps that are open on your iPhone, and then she swiped right. There it was, the Tesla app. She appeared to want to check the status of her car.

“Cool,” I thought! “Good for her!”

I was slightly jealous because I don’t have a Tesla, but hey, I can still check how much fuel is in my Hyundai and remotely start the car with my app!

Then she went to her text messages, and it started, some texting to someone she works with.

Ten years ago I might not have been able to see that screen since things weren’t that crisp and clear. Today? Bam, I could see most everything as if it were my own phone.

She was texting about membership rules at the club. She wasn’t budging, the rules were there for a reason, and the topic was closed.

As we were still sitting at the gate, she had some time before she would be incommunicado, at least without having to pay for the airplane communicado. I found it weird that she turned off her phone so she could see her reflection in the screen. I know she was checking herself out because I saw her fluffing her hair while moving her phone around like a mirror. Wondering to myself I thought, “Self, why doesn’t she just use the camera in selfie mode?”

And then it happened.

She hit the power button, the display to enter the passcode came up, and clear as day she tapped in her passcode. No trying to hide it, no trying to shield it, no lowering the phone, no Face ID, nope, she was there, tapping the six numbers for all to see.

I was in the possession of one thing that could make her life a living hell if used inappropriately.

She did a little more texting, but I was a tad bored of her life. I started looking out the window as we started taxiing towards the runway. Then, out of the corner of me eye, I saw the calendar app come up.

Granted most of the font was a tad too small so I couldn’t see all of her schedule, but then she opened the screen for a new appointment. A few taps and her meeting with Hedley was set. I know Hedley’s last name, but I’ll leave it out of this little warning tale. It isn’t fair to Hedley that this person doesn’t care about their privacy.

Finally, with her meeting scheduled and a final reminder from the flight crew, I saw her put the phone in airplane mode. What to do now? Well, she fired up a solitaire app, single deck, and went two for three before we got the “you may now use your laptops” announcement. Oddly enough this caused her to put her phone down, and it was nap time for 14E.

As I settled in for the flight I thought of the various “identity theft” scenarios I had read about. The storyteller in my head came up with a thriller where I was some kind of international spy. I would pickpocket her phone on the way off the plane and get the secret codes so I could transfer her millions into a bank account to help the homeless.

See, in my head, I’m a swell, international spy!

Alas, though, I’m no international spy. As a swell dude, however, I just want to write this cautionary tale that yes, on airplanes, people in the seats around and behind you can still see what you are doing on your devices, probably easier than in years past. Unless you want them to be able to know you own a Tesla, have a meeting with Hedley, and are pretty good at single card solitaire, maybe lower your phone so it’s in your lap. I’ll bet there is a lot of stuff on your cell phone you really don’t want the rest of the world to know or share.

She’s just lucky I’m a swell dude.

Let me start this post by stating that our dog, Milo, doesn’t really hate other dogs. In fact, Milo is as scared as a scared dog can be when other dogs come near him. Yet, the other day, on a family walk, “Our dog hates other dogs!” is exactly what I exclaimed to another dog owner on the path.

What I really wanted to yell, though, was, “Lady, put an effin’ leash on your effin’ dog!”

And yes, I meant the word you would use in place of effin’!

A Lovely, Spring Day. Kind of.

Ahh, it was a Sunday morning, birds might have been singing a song, but I wouldn’t know. It was still a little chilly. The weather app, however, said that it was 48 degrees outside with a “feels like” temperature of 54 thanks to the shining sun. “We should take Milo for a walk,” I commented to my wife. “The big park?” she replied. I said, “Sure.”

We loaded Milo into the back seat so he could cower in fear during another car ride. No sooner than when we pulled out, well, the clouds arrived. So much for that “feels like” temperature. After about ten minutes of sheer terror for Milo, with his occasional glance out the passenger window like a normal dog, we pulled into the “big park.”

The park didn’t appear that crowded, Milo jumped out of the back seat onto the parking lot, and he realized where we were. Finally, he could relax and our boy, who really isn’t a boy any longer at 15 years old, showed signs of canine happiness.

The stroll along the asphalt path began for the three of us. Milo was in “sniffy” mode, picking up any scent he could, and my wife and I enjoyed the freshness of spring even if it felt a little cooler than we would have liked.

All was nice.

This Could be Trouble

A pee for the boy, and it was down the long, straight path next to the empty soccer fields that were waiting for kids to come out of their winter hibernation. After all these years with him, I could read Milo’s thoughts while we walked, “I wonder what kind of dog peed on this rock?” “There is some poop up ahead that I must smell!” “Will you two slow down? I have pee grass to investigate!”

We approached a tree with a squirrel who was leaning around the trunk as if to say, “Hello,” so, of course, I greeted him with a “Good morning, Mr. Squirrel!” I do hope it was a male. The squirrel scampered higher up the trunk of the tree after we exchanged pleasantries, Milo was oblivious to Mr. Squirrel, but then I saw it, potential trouble up ahead.

Milo, maybe because of his height, didn’t see what was coming. He continued in sniffy-mode, but up ahead was a dog roaming free while its owner, at least I surmised the lady was the dog’s owner, was just wandering, not really paying attention to her dog.

And then the dog started bolting our way.

Here It Comes

The lady, seeing that her dog was on its way to terrorize Milo, belted out something like, “Don’t worry, he’s friendly!” My retort as I heard this was simply, “Okay, but our dog hates other dogs!”

Yes, even having enough time to process the events that would become reality, this was the best I could come up with, “Our dog hates other dogs!”

Her dog was still at a full sprint when Milo saw what was running towards him. Now, since Milo doesn’t really hate other dogs and is just afraid of dogs in general, he began his scurrying around trying to get away as quickly as he could. I always fear he is going to snap his neck.

Granted Milo can never get as far as he would like since he is on a leash, but he tries. Then it happened. The lady’s dog ran past us, still at full sprint.

Non-Stop to the Tree

“What the hell is he after?”, I thought?

The lady yelled, “Don’t worry, he’s chasing the squirrel.”

Sure enough her dog stopped at Mr. Squirrel’s tree, started barking at Mr. Squirrel, and Milo, still terrified, was trying to run the other way.

Making the turn towards us, the lady, and yes, she was the kind of dog owner who, in a situation such as this, is most likely thinking things like, “how cute,” “my dog is perfect,” “you have such a cute dog” (even though Milo was completely terrified), while seeing nothing wrong on her part, commented something to the effect, “He always chases after the squirrels.”

I’m sure the squirrels love that.

And while I wanted to, I didn’t say, “Lady, can’t you see your dog scared the $%*& out of our dog. Why don’t you put a $#@*& leash on your $#@*& dog?”

Nope, my wife and I just kept walking, trying to get Milo to forget what had just happened.

Continuing On, Then Down a Different Path

The rest of the walk was just the kind of excitement Milo likes, none. He quickly forgot about the crazed, possible squirrel killer, and continued with his search for various pee grass. The difficulty was that the walking path is mostly in a loop, and sure enough, as we were coming back towards the empty soccer fields, there they were, squirrel killer and his accomplice.

Knowing Milo had enough excitement, and that he would soon have another “car ride of terror,” my wife and I opted for an out-of-the-way path back to the car. Milo was confused as we never go that direction, but he seemed to take it in stride.

Back at the car Milo took his place in the back seat, but I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed in my reply to the squirrel killer’s accomplice. I realized, though, that no matter what I would say, it wouldn’t matter. I’m guessing if Milo really did hate other dogs, and her dog came unleashed into Milo’s safe zone, it would be our dog’s fault for any attack.

I finally just breathed a sigh that while not the best pet owners, I do know we would have done anything to protect Milo had squirrel killer come after him.

Then I felt bad for the squirrels.

Want More Milo? Here’s a Song About Him!

“The Royale” and a Quarantine Tradition?

A Twitter friend posted the other day how it was a little ironic he failed to post a picture of himself with The Royale on the two-year anniversary of the “Quarantine Tradition.”

I was surprised to read this given how consistent he had been with his postings during the two years, and I was a little bummed as his posts are entertaining. I also thought to myself, “Self, has it really been two years? I wonder what my first picture was. How many of me are there?”

So, I requested my Twitter data, waited patiently for the notification that the download was ready, and sorted the photos. It turns out there are just over 200 pictures of me enjoying The Royale on Twitter. Oddly enough my first post didn’t even have the selfie part going for it, but damn, for most of the rest of them, that’s a lot of selfies!

The Backstory

It began March 16, 2020, as a suggestion on Twitter from Tom to Brian, “idea: thread where you ask people to post their quarantine Royales.” Brian replied, “Love this. Post pics of you having your Royale (first cup of coffee of day). Quarantine edition.”

A few replies hit the original thread, but then Brian, him being Brian Koppelman, the writer, director, producer, posted on his own timeline, “We have to make this a quarantine tradition. Each morning post you and your Royale (first cup of coffee of the day). That way, we are drinking them together. #TheRoyale”

A tradition had begun and, for some, that daily ritual has lasted long after the quarantines were lifted.

Normalcy During a Quarantine

Maybe you remember March of 2020. Businesses were being told to close their doors, people were being asked to stay home, and the realization that many people could work from home wasn’t, well, realized, yet. People were nervous, and as schools tried to figure out how to conduct classes remotely, everyone was trying to hold on to a bit of something normal while not having normal any longer.

Enter “The Royale – Quarantine Tradition.”

Years, months, hell, it could have just been days earlier than that March day in 2020, Brian Koppelman proclaimed that the term, “The Royale,” be used to designate the first cup of coffee of the day.  I recall seeing an occasional tweet from him about it, maybe a selfie picture or two holding a cup of coffee, but then came the quarantine tweet to his followers to post their pictures.

And post pictures they did, most including the hashtag, #TheRoyale.

Let’s Get Together, Kind Of

Young and old, near and far, it was a Twitter lovefest around the first cup of coffee. Sure, much of Twitter in those days had been filled with messages of death and fear, but The Royale gave the morning something to look forward to, almost like a metaversian meeting in a coffee shop before the metaverse was even a thing.

Brian Koppelman used the opportunity to create a fundraiser for the Food Bank for New York City by selling mugs with his picture on them, artwork was created, a dorky song was made, and a new, morning ritual arrived, at least for me anyway, searching Twitter for “#TheRoyale.”

Come Visit #TheRoyalCafe

As weeks, months, and years passed, some mugs came and went. There were those who were very diligent in their posting, others dropped out of regularly posting, but a few remained as consistent contributors. The Twitter follows began, and a camaraderie amongst people continued, centered around a selfie with a cup of coffee and a hashtag.

I discovered a new musician, Hope Dunbar, who put out two, wonderful Americana albums during the two years. I learned more about Ohio sports than I knew when I lived in The Buckeye State, thanks to a gentleman named Tim. I got to see some beautiful artwork created by an artist name Michael. I followed, then unfollowed, then followed, then unfollowed someone mostly because I still haven’t perfected Lists on Twitter. #TheRoyaleCafe was created by Aaron, a virtual coffee shop on Twitter for all to gather. And I realized it is very difficult for me to take a selfie with The Royale and not make a weird, facial expression.

It is hard to realize, though, that this has been going on for two years.

The New Normal

There is a lot of talk about “the new normal,” but that seems to shift on any given week. There was the normal about masks, then no masks, then needing your vaccine card to eat, and not needing the card any longer. Depending on the survey you read, the new normal will be a hybrid work model, or maybe people will be back in the office five days a week. Maybe we’ll be living with Covid for the rest of our lives, but then again, maybe not. Who knows?

What is normal for me, though, is, to this day, mornings are a little brighter on my Twitter feed as I join my friends for a cup of coffee at #TheRoyaleCafe.

A Thank You and An Invite

So, a tip of The Royale, and a “thank you,” to Tom for giving the idea to Brian about posting pictures with The Royale. And a “thank you” to the regular visitors to #TheRoyaleCafe who bring a bright spot to my mornings.

Go ahead, enjoy The Royale in the morning, you deserve it, and if you feel so inclined to take a picture of yourself with that first cup of coffee, you are welcome to join us on Twitter with #TheRoyale at #TheRoyaleCafe.